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Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Pre-Air Extravaganza: The Bionic Woman

Usually I try to feign some enthusiasm for these pilot episodes, if only so that you'll read the entire post in earnest, with some hope in your heart for the awesomness to kick-in.

This, however, is one very bad TV show. It's just not very good.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the worst of the pre-air episodes to make it to the net:

The Bionic Woman

This thing is just full of crap from top to bottom. It's like they hired an avant garde writer who didn't believe that stories should progress logically, and that TV shows should be about cramming as many emotional cues and cliches as possible into a hour timeslot.

It almost seemed as if the first ten minutes were comprised of cut-and-pasted scenes from other movies that were temporarily glued into place just so they could get the annoying "development" out of the way and get quickly into the "part-robot lady" stuff, but it's not like it gets better after that. It just gets worse. A lot worse.

I apologize for not posting a proper synopsis and review, but really - I feel like I got ripped off just by watching it. This show is not worth your time.

And if you're holding an office pool to guess the first show to shit-canned this season, look no further than The Bionic Woman. I'm betting it doesn't even get to air more than six episodes. Who green-lit this turd? If you're an investor with NBC, or it's parents General Electric and Vivendi, I suggest that you withdraw all of your money, and promptly set it on fire - because it is, quite frankly, a smarter investment right now. Jim Cramer would probably agree with me.

Tomorrow I'll be looking at the Satan-inspired Reaper, which, judging by it's high concentration of Dead-like-me and fire, shouldn't be that bad. Right?

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